Wednesday, September 28, 2011


sometimes when things go wrong, I feel like the whole world is tumbling down. A good leader must be able to withstand stress and work under pressure without being affected by emotions. However, I feel like I have lost the thirst of power and desire to lead.

being appointed as the new rank holder, I felt normal, nothing special.
just now after sports, I was talking to an officer. and I voiced out my thoughts of letting go my rank. I have no idea where i got the guts from. people change over the years, being an active blogger, it indirectly makes me more outspoken and dare to voice out. He was shocked. He gave me some advice and I did tell him my reasons. Mechanical Engineering faculty, only 30% will graduate this year. and for my batch, only 30% of students are in the 3 pointer's list. Lucky enough, I'm still in the top 30%. He told me to forgo my sports. My aunt told me I have enough success in sports, it's time to study and score good grades before I graduate. Cadet's routine is tough, but I will always spare some time for my training. I love endurance racing.

given the chance to choose sports and rank, I will definitely choose sports.

when I'm avoiding rank, rank comes to me. still remember when i was form 4, I wasn't given the rank Putera Sarjan. I was extremely upset and Jamie was there to listen to all my complaints, for many months I complained to her=p I got my rank when I was form 5 though. I wanted rank so badly, been praying for it every time I go temple. But today the rank is preying for me, I'm now a cadet sergeant, with 3 big V's on my shoulders

I really don't care how people look at me when I rejected my rank. I wanna graduate on time, and be a good aeronautical engineer. In the future, there'll be a million opportunities to practice leadership. In the military, u always have juniors under u. don't tell me no chance to practice leadership.

this week, lots of up and downs. struggling to find my inner peace. morning training was supposed to be exciting as i planned to attack them. went to store room and saw my back tire punctured. Blinkers not working, heart rate monitor went dead. sigh. canceled my plan. checked everything and nothing was wrong! whatever it is, I just changed new tube and it was fine when i came back after class. Hopefully it'll be alright. what is going on! or may be avoiding today's cycling saved me from accident. who knows? =)

Hope tomorrow will be a better day =)

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