Coal turn diamond

this is my uniform, the infamous FSMO.
depends on when and how u wear it for, if u wear it for training or eco challenge, we call it the Full Service Marching Order.
for punishment, it is just another F*cking Shit Military Order, and it was humiliating for me wearing it just now. time to be punished.

military training centers produce military officers, just like a factory making goods.
in all manufacturing process, there will be by products. same goes to training centers, not all who passed out are top end products. and it's annoying to accept the fact that the guy staying next door is a by product. we share same toilet, so if the toilet is dirty, we have to take the punishment together. soaking clothes during working hours is against the rule.
the toilet was supposed to be dry and all toiletries well arranged near the sink.

i dare not post the picture of his room i snapped when i entered his room. it was very shocking.
hell yeah, tonight i missed dinner. will be wearing FSMO with my beloved 10kg darling and a 30kg red sausage.

only yesterday was an easy day.
this red cylindrical shape log is my "meal" for tonight. i call it the red sausage. will be my dinner.

yesterday at this time, i was wearing shorts studying for my test. was happy that my test was postponed but FSMO spoiled my day. was lectured by Captain Amir for hours! as usual, criticizes the UPNM products.

i'm sick of collective punishment. i have said this a million time. i comply with rules and obey orders, it is so demoralizing and disappointing to be punished because of others.
for 8th year i'm doing all this. like i always do, i day dream and talk to myself while being punished. limbs all sore commencing the punishment, dreaming will distract the pain.
i have multiple personalities, i'm hard during training but listen to taylor swift when doing assignments, everyday without fail. it's so soothing.

i'm yielding...

i feel like sharing this with somebody, but not everybody understand how i really feel even my supportive family. criticize my act sometimes, express their opinion which i appreciate much, but i don't think any of them understand what is happening right here, surviving Kem Sungai Besi.

combination of 4 years RMC and 5 years UPNM will smash me into pieces.
i rather take up the Green Beret.

it is odd that i'm feeling this way as i always survive challenges and hurdle pass all obstacles.
but recently, i'm not feeling that way. i'm trying my best to counter depression in a healthy way.
as an athlete i refrain myself from taking fried food, burgers, cold and caffeinated drinks, and i keep myself fit all the time. today i'm taking chilled coke to calm myself down. feeling better after taking coke. the last time i took coke was few months back if i'm not mistaken.

every year at this time i will be doing my tapering for Ironman. a 17 hours of non stop action event which allows me to channel my whole year accumulated stresses and unwanted pressure to the hot island of Langkawi. Hottest Ironman event on earth.

this year, no more Ironman Langkawi. need to channel the negative energy to something else. Mount Kinabalu Climbathon may be?

being an officer under training is just like a cheap black useless coal.
u are nobody, no right, no say, being criticized, humiliated, and disgraced. especially when u are from UPNM.
may this extremely under pressured coal turn diamond in 2 years time. one day i will make changes to the Armed Forces. it's time for transformation, the traditional soldiers aren't relevant to the modern warfare.

come on guys, it's time to move forward, and stop saying "during my time" or "once upon a time". once upon a time men fight war with bow and arrow, face the enemy. the modern warfare we fire Inter Continental Ballistic Missiles by pressing button, and we don't even see our opponent.

human nature, resistance to change.